Clearing Negative Self-Talk and Spiraling Thoughts: Approaching Mental Decluttering with Harmony
- Keely
- Feb 10
- 10 min read
Do you sometimes feel like you have “too many tabs open”? Here, I mean within your mind, not on your computer's internet browser.
We all feel this, myself included. Even with all the habits and routines I have in place to keep me on track with what’s important to me, sometimes that mental clutter builds up. Thankfully, there are practices to help slow our minds down, remove the thoughts and beliefs that are no longer serving us, and free up some space in our heads.
This can be especially important if you work in a cluttered space or, like me, in your home, where the tasks of your household take up space in your mind as you walk by the pile of laundry or dirty dishes in the sink throughout your workday.
Mental clutter can make you feel like you are constantly trying to manage a chaotic mess, even when you aren’t surrounded by people to add to that energy. You may feel overwhelmed and unable to quiet your mind, no matter how much you try to meditate. Some people have even reported feeling anxious or sick to their stomach as a physical reaction to the clutter in their minds.
This is likely because mental clutter can easily fall into a negative feedback loop. We tend to have a negativity bias, always looking for something that might disrupt our comfort zones. I’ve read some studies that suggest this is how our brains evolved – we are always looking for danger, so those negative things tend to take up more mental space than the positive ones. Positive things like birthday celebrations or great talks with friends don’t cause us harm, so our brain doesn’t keep its ”tab” open like it does the negative things.
So, how can we approach mental decluttering without adding more overwhelm and tasks to our list?
How do I approach mental decluttering?
Before I learned about mental decluttering, I didn’t realize that I didn’t have to feel the way I did. My sleep patterns were all over the map. I frequently woke up in a panic, thinking that I had forgotten to do something the day before. I was dealing with anxiety and moments of depression.
Now, a lot of my experience involved more than just mental clutter. I also lacked direction, as I had no idea what I wanted to be when I “grew up.” I didn’t have a vision for the life I wanted to create. I was simply going with the flow, jumping to where others told me I should go. I didn’t have my map and hadn’t figured out my definition of success.
However, even with those things that I now have and all the routines and rituals that I’ve put into place to stay motivated, I still periodically have those moments of overwhelm. Thankfully, I also have routines and habits that I can schedule into my week to help me tackle them early before they lead to anxiety attacks and burnout.
After years of trying different things, listening to different “gurus,” and reading a ton of books and articles, here are some of the things that help me the most when it comes to mental decluttering.
Mental decluttering with harmony tips:
Start a morning habit of dumping thoughts before your workday. When I first started journaling, I tried to use the gratitude journal method. However, after a few months of this, I quickly found that the benefits of the practice were no longer working for me. This is when I learned that the gratitude journal method isn’t a sustainable practice for many people. Instead, I started trying the “morning pages” method from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Even now, I find this type of journaling to be more effective than anything else I’ve tried. In the book, it’s recommended to do at least 3 full pages of “dumping,” but now I aim for a certain number of minutes depending on what I have time for or simply when I feel like I am done. Sometimes, that’s 5 minutes, and other mornings, it’s 20 minutes. Focus on finding a reasonable amount of time that seems right for you. Believe me – it’s strange at first. My early journals have “I don’t know what to write. I think this is kind of stupid, but they tell me to keep writing.” Honestly! I just wrote down my exact thoughts without any prompts or set topics. Sometimes, that’s the easiest place to start.
Focus on what you can control. This was a major perspective shift for me when I was starting to find my own path to harmony and redefining what success meant for me. I needed to let go of thinking I could control everything – what others thought and wanted. I learned that I was giving away my time to other people’s agendas without time for what was important to me. This was when I switched my focus to what was within my control – setting my goals based on what I wanted to achieve in life. The control over my morning routine. The control over how I reacted (or didn’t react) to a situation. This shift has been a major relief when it comes to mental clutter. When I stopped doing the “what ifs” or focusing on other people’s opinions, I could live a more authentic, full life on my terms, without the extra mental clutter.
Define your agenda first before others do it for you. This is linked to the last one, but it’s so important that I feel I need to mention it again. Mental clutter easily stacks up when you aren’t focusing on your own goals and priorities. This is also why I created an entire program around goal-setting – before I found all the strategies and routines to help me, I had no vision for what I wanted out of life. I didn’t know where I wanted to go; I took action in random directions that others told me I should be doing. It’s like driving to a location without telling Google Maps where you are going – how will you know the way? If you want help with this, sign up for Harmony Quest Weekly, as I frequently give away free content and subscriber-only promotions to my program based on this exact topic. I am passionate about helping others find their direction and create achievable action plans to achieve the life of their dreams. When you know the direction you are going, it’s easier to define your priorities daily and end the week feeling fulfilled and motivated instead of drained and overwhelmed.
Focus on one task at a time. I used to think I was a great multitasker. Wow, was I wrong. There have been many studies on whether we can actually multitask, and the research says we aren’t as good as we think. Attempting to focus on many things at once adds to our mental clutter and slows our productivity. We can’t jump back and forth between projects effortlessly – this task switching leads to mental loading, exhaustion, and overwhelm. By trying to focus on too many things at once, we are adding to our stress, not alleviating a large task list. Studies have shown that we actually end up taking longer to get projects done compared to if we focus on one thing at a time. These studies have forced me to change my work habits, and I’ll never go back. Focusing on just one project at a time and limiting these projects to 3 over a short period makes my mind clearer and my productivity better. I could mention aligned productivity here… but it would dig more into the previous point, so I’ll save that for another article. 😊 For now, the point is to focus on one task at a time during your major project blocked time.
Develop a healthier approach to technology. I think it’s common knowledge now that our habits with social media, computers, and technology in general directly impact our mental clutter and well-being. Spending too much time on social media, specifically reels, shorts, and instant content, drains our motivation, energy, and mental capacity. I plan on reading a book about the brain chemicals it impacts, but that will also have to be a post for another time! It goes without saying that technology is part of our daily lives now, and it’s likely going nowhere. Instead of trying to stop using it, I recommend that my clients develop a healthy approach. Limit social media intake after a specific time, or limit the daily content access by using your app timers on your phone. Personally, I found it more helpful to put all social media on an old phone after upgrading. This now allows me to put the phone with social media in a different room when working, sleeping, or focusing on something more important. This keeps me focused and helps me gain more momentum on my goals. It limits the distractions and habit of scrolling to see what others are posting. I also recommend that my clients find time to stop looking at work-related communications (you may need to notify your team or organization of this if it’s a big change for you). For example, I stopped checking emails and Teams messages after 6 pm, saving my evening for family time or hobbies. This, of course, goes for all technology – whether you binge-watch TV and movies, play video games late at night, or watch or read the news. Determine what is “healthy” for you when it comes to interactions with technology, and take small steps to improve it each day.
I thought I’d also share the phrase on a sticky note I keep on my desk. I came up with this while working with a coach (yes, as a coach, I also love working with a coach to keep me accountable and growing).
“My experiences are valid and true to my life. Someone else’s opinion does not influence the value or authenticity of my lived experiences. My experience belongs to me. Their opinions belong to them.”
Connecting Your Mental Decluttering Week with Air
Just like last week, I wanted to mention the connection between the element of Air and our mental decluttering! Air has been connected with transformation, change, inspiration, and mental clarity – hence, I encourage you to connect with Air this week! The goal here is to step back and see the bigger picture of our situation. Whether we are fighting obstacles with our goals or lacking clarity on what we really want from life, sometimes we need to put some space between us and our problems. This helps us find the perspective shifts, which can be helped with mental decluttering.
As you are clutter-clearing, I encourage you to incorporate the Air element each day this week. Some ways might include:
Listen to music. I love incorporating music into every day, wherever possible. There is something about putting on a good playlist. If you haven’t realized it already, this always leads me to dance, another great thing to add to our day! Not only do we get some great physical movement, but there is something freeing about taking time to dance every day. I highly recommend you try it!
Take deep breaths. Focus on your breath this week! One of my favourite practices I share with clients who aren’t sure about adding meditation to their routines is simply focusing on their breath. That’s how I started – I counted my breaths up to 30 inhales. Sometimes, I would make my exhales a little longer than my inhales or practice box breathing, but my initial goal was to focus on my breath to a count of 30 with my eyes closed. Give it a try this week!
Get outside to feel the breeze on your face. This is the easiest and fastest way to connect with the element of Air! Unless you are like me, where the current wind chill is -43° - you might get frostbite! However, I still try to spend less than 5 minutes with my body outside. Not only to feel the breeze on my face but also to feel the direct warmth of the sun. We used to be outside a lot more as a civilization, so it’s important to get outside and connect with nature in a safe way that resonates with you.
Go cloud-watching! I used to love finding patterns in the clouds. Why do we stop doing these fun, easy, and free activities? Why not get back into it today? Try spending some time cloud-watching and see if you can find animals, patterns, or something fun in the clouds to connect with Air this week. Give your mind some space to have fun and be creative.
Communicate your truth with a safe person. Sometimes, we need to get some mental clutter out into the air. This means sharing our experiences, thoughts, or worries with others through talking. If you have a safe person that you feel comfortable talking with, share with them some of the things that come up this week. This could be your future dreams or worries you are trying to let go of. It could be about what comes up as you go about mental decluttering! You can write a letter if you don’t have someone safe to talk to. Pretend you are a year into the future and write yourself a letter as if you are looking back on this situation one year later. Does it have the same weight as it does today?
Journal Prompts to Get Started
If you don’t know where you want to get started with your mental decluttering this week, here are some journal prompts to help:
What thoughts or worries occupy the most space in my mind lately? What has left me feeling drained recently?
What am I holding onto that no longer serves me? This could be outdated goals, negative self-talk, or past regrets.
How would my day be different if my mind felt lighter and clearer? Visualize how that would feel and what you could do with a clearer mind.
What unfinished tasks or decisions are lingering in my mind? Use the “dumping” method to get them down on paper and clear your mind.
What small action can I take today to clear my mind? This could be a change in my technology habits, such as adding app timers to my social media apps on my phone or getting outside daily for 5 minutes to cloud-watch.
Join Quest for Harmony Community
Want more tips like these, including mini-weekly challenges, affirmations, reflection, and a community of others doing the work alongside you? Join my free online community, Quest for Harmony Community! Every week, I add content like this to help you achieve success on your terms with harmony, not hustle.
Here are some other articles that talk about physical decluttering if you want more information:
How to Clear Mental Clutter. Living with Margins. https://www.livingwithmargins.com/blog/how-to-clear-mental-clutter?srsltid=AfmBOorL-I7kVB5Izo0FfhBViIzSdMV50H8pibJpwBmitT6mjKldAuet
Decluttering Mental Clutter. By Ryan Nicodemus. https://www.theminimalists.com/mental/
How To Declutter Your Mind: 10 Practical Tips You'll Actually Want To Try. Noma Nazish. Nov 19, 2017. https://www.forbes.com/sites/nomanazish/2017/11/19/how-to-declutter-your-mind-10-practical-tips-youll-actually-want-to-try/
15 Can't-Miss Ways to Declutter Your Mind. By Leo Babauta. Zen Habits. https://zenhabits.net/15-cant-miss-ways-to-declutter-your-mind/
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